“I don’t know what to do.”
I just said that out loud, without really planning to, and without thinking about
anything in particular.
But I probably do, this just isn't a day for wanting to do
things.
I mean, I did know what to do (start writing words on the blank piece of
paper in front of me, until it and two others were covered in them), but I didn't
want to, or didn't know what to start with, or where to take it, or...replace all the
'or' with 'and'.
So, here we are.
A half page in and just changed pens because in a pause where I was staring off
into space,
wondering if I was gaining momentum or losing it,
I noticed one on the
shelf and thought "Oh, cool, I do have another Pilot G-2 (05) pen in here". Then I
read the 'Z-grip' on it and concurrent with thinking "Oh, no, it's one of those",
picked it up to rediscover how much they do (or don't) suck. They do (and don't)
suck suck a moderate amount.
Now I'm back to a G-2, but not the same G-2. I found the better half of another
one up there in the pile I re-banished the Z-grip to, and I loaded it's ink tube into
the exoskeleton of one I recently threw away
(I know, wasteful, but it's difficult to
find reloads in the .38 or .5 sizes)
which is a tad ironic
(its not ironic, really, but it is
in a angry-catholic-girl-singer-who's-name-(Alanis Morisette)-escaped-me-right-
up-to-the-point-I-put-it-in-parentheses way) because this barrel is clearly a .07,
which I believe has no right to exist (being better than a god-help-us- 1.0 is NOT
good enough)
but Alex likes them, so I was saving it for her when the housing of
this one broke (I only just now remember).
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While I was making another cup of coffee, after fishing the pen body out of the
trash, I wondered "Are these
(what I had been and have now returned to writing down)
the musings of a writer, or a non-writer?
Nevermind the question making no sense, the answer is “a bit of both”, I suppose, though by this point “ramblings” seems a better word choice than “musings”.
Though musings do ramble, don't they? At least more ofen than "they" shoot
canoes.
(And no, Patrick F McManus, I don't think they do shoot canoes.)
(Well...)
(At least rarely on purpose.)
-------------------
Sense or non-sense. Exposition or noise. I'd say "you be the judge", but that's
stupid, because you already will make your own judgments whether I give
permission or not, even if you don't want to,
and besides,
when I wrote "you be
the judge" what I meant was "you tell me", but when it comes to writing I don't let
you be the judge. I keep it to myself, unseen.
Because what if you don't
like the bits I really love,
and fuck,
what if you do?
and now comes the brief thought that this, this whatever-it-is I'm writing right
here could (may as well) be the first thing I put up on that WordPress Roxy insisted
on, but then "Nah", 'cuz part of it is that you can tell where I switched pens and
that won't translate to the screen.
but really, without being told (or being me) you
wouldn't really be able to tell, much, in this original form.
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"But posting would really be self-indulgent", I think, meaning that there's no
content or meaning here
but it wouldn't be
it would just be three pages of Self.
"But I digress..." 